Filial Consternation

I'm sure many of you have already had to go through this rite of passage, but I'm a first timer, so bear with me.

My parents are on Facebook.

I'm sorry, maybe I wasn't clear. My parents are on Facebook. MY PARENTS.

I went to dinner with my dad last week, and he filled me in, meanwhile sounding like the most stereotypical middle-aged man ever. "I just don't think I get this Facebook thing," he lamented. He told me about how his news feed (although he may have called it "that thing on the front page") informed him that his friend so-and-so was "sitting down to watch some football."

"Why do I care that he's watching football?" he asked quizzically. Oh, parents.

The reason he and my mom signed up was because they each got a few emails in a short span of time from old pals inviting them to do so, he said. "We don't want to invade your privacy," he reassured me, though I let him know in no uncertain terms that if he and I were Facebook friends, he would be seeing a very limited version of my profile.

But why would they friend their daughter-- they aren't even friends with each other. You heard me. My dad has maybe seven friends; my mom has two. Each of their relationship statuses say "Married," but neither says to whom.

"You aren't even friends with your own wife?" I accused.

"Why would I need to be? I live with her," was his response. I informed him that that's grounds for divorce in 13 states; he seemed unconcerned.

I realize that some people are able to coexist with their parents on a huge network like Facebook in perfect harmony. I don't believe I'm one of those people. So for now, I'll just sneak peeks at their profiles (since they've not yet mastered any degree of privacy settings), snicker and hope that they never try to figure out the purpose behind poking.