So I've been thinking, and it would seem I have some serious decisions to make. It's really a matter of life and death, you see, and it's important to have affairs in order, just in case the worst happens.
The question is this: What would I do if I died (sad!) but got to come back as a ghost and haunt people (kind of awesome!)? Who would I haunt? If I'm not going to be able to exact revenge in this life, I may as well do it later via creepy noises and giving people the chills. But who?
Well first of all, definitely the American Red Cross for calling me every single weekday. They're worse than a clingy boyfriend, calling like clockwork from one of several numbers (they can't make it easy on me and let me program just one into my phone, oh no), frequently before I'm awake. I realize I could get out of this pickle by actually bothering to make an appointment to donate platelets like I used to pretty frequently, but still. They'll definitely be getting haunted, at least a little.
Next up is whoever is in charge of cutting into my favorite TV shows for weather advisories for counties in which I do not live. That's right; I don't care if there are thunderstorm warnings in Henry County. I don't care that it might hail down south of Atlanta. And I definitely don't care about snowstorms in the North Georgia mountains. I just want to watch House in peace. It might be lupus this time.
After all that, I'll get to the person who makes the decision to put some seasons of certain TV shows on Netflix Instant Watch, but not all seasons, thus causing me to be stuck with a cliffhanger until I can get the first disc of the missing season in the mail, which I can't because I've had "Lars & the Real Girl" out since May and haven't bothered to watch it yet because I never feel like it. Again, this is a problem I know I could easily solve, but still an annoyance, and certainly worth a little spooky poltergeistery.
After that, there are probably a few people I know in real life who have a few scares in their future. Hey, what can I say-- I don't hold a grudge in this life, but who knows how petty and vengeful I'll be in the afterlife. Just stay on my good side, and I'm sure you'll be golden.
Unless you're from the American Red Cross. Then you should probably watch your back. You never know where I'll be lurking.
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2 comments:
Oh man, Lars is so good though.
Full disclosure: When I started writing this in my "Blog Ideas" file, I hadn't gotten around to Lars. When I posted it, I had, but didn't feel like rewriting. It was good. Not amazing, but good, and I think Ryan Gosling is really an awesome actor. So there.
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