Finales & Premieres

Today: Vulture offered up a guide to picking and choosing what TV shows you should watch three months from now. I think I've made my decisions based on the very little information I have, and let me tell you, a lot of it involves James Van Der Beek.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on NY Mag's site, I was reminded of why I love Paul F. Tomkins' American Idol recaps. The twice-weekly experience of reading them is not enough, however, to make me care that the show is apparently about to end or something. That country boy is about to win, yes? I sit here before you today with mixed emotions in knowing that I've finally reached the moment where American Idol is completely beyond my concern. To think that two seasons ago, I may have sent a text or two. What can I say, Kris Allen really got me with that Once cover.

Never fear; there's other stuff happening on the internet, like Louis CK's preview of the upcoming season of Louie:


The clip, of course, is not all that entertaining, but if you caught season one (on Netflix, natch-- what are we, pilgrims? We don't watch TV in real-time), you know just how fantastic this series is. I look forward to season two, which I will likely watch all in one sitting months after it airs.

There's also yesterday's Muppet trailer, a new Nerdist episode featuring Patton Oswalt (delightful!), the reveal of who Lenny Kravitz is going to play in The Hunger Games (lolwat?) and apparently the season finale of Glee is tonight, but we all joint-quit that months ago, right? RIGHT?

If not, take tonight as your opportunity to do so and spend that newfound hour of your life hugging your family or correcting someone on the internet or something. It'll be worth the sacrifice.

J-E-L-L-O

Nobody loves putting too much thought into a TV show more than me, so of course I'm charmed by this new Tumblr:

The Cosby Sweater Project

Where else are you going to find Cliff Huxtable's vibrant sweaters rendered as modern art? Nowhere, that's where.

Reboot

If they can reboot superhero movies all day long, then I can reboot a blog. And so it came to pass.

Isle of Everything: A place for everything I love. In the vein of Mindy Kaling's now-defunct Things I've Bought That I Love, only Things I've Found That I Love.

First up? NY Magazine's showrunner interviews.

What TV nerd doesn't love reading about what goes on behind the scenes? NY Mag is slowly releasing the full interviews, which are chock full of information about recent and upcoming finales as well as writing processes, dream shows and other tidbits. I'm staying tuned for more.

How Very Phallic Of You

Some might say there's a Tumblr for everything. I say there's a Tumblr for everything awesome.

Accidental Penis

Way better than seeing the Virgin Mary all over everything.

Where Have You Been All My Life?

If you're anything like me (and I think you are), the first thing you do upon waking up after a long night of alcohol-induced fun is make a beeline for your Outboxes-- Gmail, Facebook, text message, the works. "What new and embarrassing information did I pass along in the wee hours of the morning this time?" I'll wonder. Most of the time it's harmless stuff that just amuses morning-after me, but there's always the occasional terrible mistake of an email that gets fired off when my judgment is at its worst.

Problem solved?

Slate discusses this today, pointing out a hilariously awesome Gmail feature I didn't know about-- Mail Goggles.


Okay, put aside the obvious issues that A) I'm terrible at simple math problems even while sober and wide awake, and B) I'm capable of using the calculator on my Dashboard even when drunk and sleepy. A mail feature that makes it that much more difficult for us to make damned drunken fools out of ourselves? Big Brother really is looking out for us.

Of course, this does nothing to stop the rampant rash of 3-in-the-morning text messages. What can I say? I have chatty thumbs.

Sucks To Be You

Are you having a bad day? Yeah, I kind of am, too. Want to cheer yourself up with a healthy dose of schadenfreude? Sure you do.

F*** My Life. There's apparently always somebody having a worse day than you.

Linkurday!

It's that time again! That's right, that time when I have no ideas for actual substantial blog posts and resort to sharing links and mildly amusing commentary. Fun for the whole family!

1. This Is Why You're Fat

A photographic catalogue of the most disgusting and caloric foods ever created. Is it wrong that some of these look delicious? I mean, a 60-pound Rice Krispie treat! Bacon chocolate chip cookies! Deep fried Coca Cola!

2. TV Tropes

The wiki to end all wikis of creative cliches and devices. I could click through this for hours reading about the Firefly effect, jumping the shark or the classic Deus Ex Machina as they appear in TV, movies, literature and the like.

3. Traveler IQ Challenge

I'm betting you think you're pretty smart. Maybe even worldly. I did once-- until I got utterly shamed by this geography game. It's addictive, if only because I feel like I should be scoring much higher than I actually do.

4. The State of the Web: Winter 2009

If you're not sure what's going down on the intertubes these days, this will clear things up for you. The same guy who brought the world 9 Reasons Not To Date A Tyrannosaurus Rex and Things Bears Love takes you on a cleverly illustrated walk down recent-memory lane.

5. Death Cab's Autotune Campaign

DCFC speaks out against Autotune. In related news, Bon Iver and T-Pain joined forces on an anti-Ben Gibbard campaign.

Linkurday!

The Christmas spirit and my supreme laziness combine today to give you an extra long Linkurday post! Get excited; I'm giving you extra reasons to leave my blog. So here's where to go today:

1. I Was A Highlights Kid
Were you a Highlights kid? I was. You remember Highlights if you ever went to the dentist or the doctor between the ages of birth and 11. With its activities and stories-with-a-moral, it was the perfect parent-friendly way for kids to while away the hours spent waiting for a teeth cleaning or booster shot. Relive your childhood, and check out my favorite, the quiz to determine whether you're a Goofus or a Gallant. Three guesses which one I am.

2. The Digital Slay-Ride: What's killing newspapers is the same thing that killed the slide rule.
If there's one thing us journalists/aspiring journalists/ex-journalism students love to do, it's wank about the slow demise of our profession. When Julia was at my house recently, it took no time at all for our conversation to turn to the woes of the Fourth Estate, as we wrung our hands and lamented the loss of jobs we never had. Slate's always ten steps ahead of me.

3. Does She Love You?
Onto cuter news. This was a Reddit find (want to go someplace where every day is Linkurday? Try Reddit. That's where half my links come from, anyhow), a cute and clever response to the oft-asked question, "Does s/he love me?" My favorite is the one where she hides his shoes. If pranking people is love, then I love you all.

4. Dear Old Love
More bittersweet, now. This is a PostSecret-esque blog where people anonymously submit short notes to people they used to love. Some are sad; some are funny; most are poignant; all are pithy. You will find you've read hundreds before coming up for air. Between this and PS, we are that much closer to realizing what a small, small world we live in.

5. Let Me Google That For You
Moving away from love to marked disdain. Ever had one of those moments, probably with an older relative or clueless coworker, where you're asked a question that would take longer for you to answer than it would for the asker to just Google it themselves? And you roll your eyes and explain at length, or if you don't already know the answer, you Google it yourself as they watch over your shoulder, apparently unable to do something so simple themselves? Well never fear. Just go to Let Me Google That For You, type in your query, and it generates the perfect link for you to really stick it to 'em. If they understand the point you're trying to make. Some people are just beyond help.

6. Bacon Today
From disdain to deliciousness. It's a universal truism that bacon makes everything better (sorry, vegetarians), and here you will discover everything you ever wanted-- nay, needed-- to know about the smokey, savory, crispy meat. It's not just for breakfast anymore. I've been hearing good things about bacon chocolate lately, and I feel that my 2009 resolution may have something to do with it.

7. The Science Of The Hangover
While we're talking about greasy, fatty, yummy foods. When you're hungover, do you just lie prone, crook of your elbow covering your eyes, and moan for hours? Or do you wonder, "Why am I feeling how I'm feeling?" Okay, I've never had the mental capacity to wonder "why" during a hangover, but in hindsight, I've been curious. The Times article explores how a hangover manifests itself in all your body parts, and even better, how to cure or at least avoid them. Advice you'll read, file away, then forget about as you chug beer before liquor and wake up unhappy next weekend.

8. Is It Christmas?
Ever get those "Do you like me?" notes in elementary school? Circle one: Yes/No/Maybe. There's no "Maybe" here. It's either Christmas or it isn't. As I write this, it's not. But in two days? I'll be checking this site again.

I've Got An M.D... A WebM.D.

Slate read my last blog and decided I needed some advice. Apparently I'm not a hypochondriac, I'm a cyberchondriac. Yikes.

Whatever. I'm still scared of necrotizing fasciitis. And will be until I get up the nerve to go to the doctor. For a -chondriac, I'm awfully willing to allow my course of treatment to be, "Eh, it'll pass."

The Barter System

Do you like to giggle? Guffaw? Chortle? I'm a veritable thesaurus of weird synonyms for "laugh," and you might do all of those things when you read this: Overdue Account. If you hate laughing, though, don't bother. It'll only be wasted on you, Wet Blanket.

Linkurday!

It's that time again-- here's a few things to keep you entertained while you should clearly be doing something more important:

1. How To Nap
I'm terrible at naps-- I just can't fall asleep during the day. But I'm guessing most of you are better at it. Here's a few naptime tips and trivia. Are you a lark or an owl? For the record, I'm an owl.

2. Eliza Bot
Need someone to talk to? This program is a computer generated therapist. She's a little frustrating and not terribly helpful, but it's still kind of fascinating.

3. Garfield Minus Garfield
Jon Arbuckle is a lonely sad-sack of a man. This is exceedingly apparent when you remove his cartoon cat from the equation.

4. Guitar Hero World Tour Ad
Features Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez, Tony Hawk and Michael Phelps geeking out playing fake music like we do, only more badass. If guys imagine girls-only sleepovers to be all lace nighties and pillow fights, then this is what I imagine guys-only sleepovers (do those exist?) to be like.

BONUS LINK!
5. The Ball Pit Bar
It's kind of funny, sure, but more awesome than funny. Why does something like this not exist? Ball pits aren't just for kids; xkcd taught us that, and then inspired its creator to make a real live pit in his apartment. See also: last.fm's office ball pit. Thinking about giving your guest room the ball pit treatment? Here's a handy dandy calculator that can tell you what the damage will be (hint: a lot). Please invite me over once you're finished. We can wear lace nighties and have a pillow fight-- in the ball pit.

Linkurday!

...because "Caturday" is so '07. Here's what's amusing me at this very minute in time:

1. 10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow A Giant Beard
What's good enough for Dumbledore...

2. Upside Down Dogs
Self-explanatory, really. And glorious.

3. If All Movies Had Cell Phones...
Haven't you always wondered why even in 2008 some film characters pick the hard way instead of just whipping out their Blackberries?

4. Epic Win: Goodbye, schadenfreude. Hello, fail.
Only appropriate in light of this post's lead photo.

That's it. More amusement next Linkurday.